yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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