I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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