Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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