Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
