for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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