If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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