I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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