Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
