Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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