dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
