youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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