Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
