there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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