Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
dude. I can hear the air.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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