Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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