she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Bring me that man meat
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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