You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize