um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
