So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
