shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
