this boner is exhausting
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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