Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
