U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
