She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
