Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
