I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
