I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
