If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
