I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
