After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
