I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
