Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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