Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
