woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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