The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
FUCK WHALES
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
