dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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