I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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