How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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