I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
