Just cropdusted the office
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
