Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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