my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
