its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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