Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
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Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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