We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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