It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
