i dont even know how to be here
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
