you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
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Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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