No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
