I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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