We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
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