3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
