I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
