I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
