Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
