i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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