I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i drank out of a bidet.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
