i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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