if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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