nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
