I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
