come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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