if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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