Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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