im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And then he peed in my hair
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