2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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