can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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